Week 5 Review - Will there be a Time when I have Peace of Mind?

I am lost again. I don't know what to do and I have slipped back to my old self, the depressed self with a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. It is sometimes depressing to write this. But ironically it's not entirely depressing when reading about others who are in a similar position. Sometimes, it makes me feel like I'm not the only one who is struggling, and knowing this makes me feel a bit more secure. Some of these posts are definitely not applicable to me and I occasionally hold disdain to people who call themselves "Hikkimori". The typical person who is just depressed would never want to be a NEET for life, and I too have seen these people on forums, desperately seeking for help and talking about their experiences. I respect the ones who are trying to break the cycle and get back into helping society, because I too can relate to that. I am lost and stuck like them. Essentially, I created this blog as a way to divert my depressed self, and perhaps inform people who are similar to me that they aren't online. 

There are many people like you and me, who are just lost and have no "life purpose" or goal in life. Even though I have "wasted two years" in university, I still do not have a clear direction of my path ahead. Perhaps it is a lack of influence, lack of experience, lack of interactivity? In the two years I have spent in university I have not made friends that are "true friends" (ones that you can talk to in desperate times and one you can trust). From my high school, I really only made a few "true friends" but I also had many friends from high school. University was a different matter. Everyone felt unapproachable, and perhaps this could be a sign of social anxiety, but university felt extremely foreign to me compared to my high school. At home, when I am online is where I found peace, and I would assume that many would agree with me on that. I have always found peace in solitude and silence, but I wasn't too afraid to work in groups either. 

On that note, when the whole family is in the house, I found that there is no peace. There's always loud talking and yelling. Even though they probably weren't doing it intentionally, it was extremely hard to find peace. That is probably why I go to games and other hobbies to find peace. My family is well off, but not "well off" compared to the general community here. I'm not sure how other people live, but I don't live in a separated stand-alone house. I am grateful that I have a roof over my head at all times, but sometimes I wish I could just get some more space, at least enough space to drown the loud talking and yelling from my parents. 

The question that many asks - "Will there be a time when I can have peace of mind?", is one that perhaps can never be answered. For me, perhaps there is peace of mind when I leave home.